Here's to Goodbye...

... Tomorrow's gonna come too soon.
These words cannot begin to capture how much I feel the weight of the 8 weeks I've spent here in Honduras hanging heavy on my shoulders, and on my heart. I regret that I cannot stay here longer - that I cannot offer more to the communities here who have so little and yet have hope that they can make it through life every day despite their monumental difficulties. I think I can draw from that vast depth of strength and take some of that determination with me back to Duke - to share with everyone I know to inspire others to work tirelessly and without hesitation because we're all capable of it. We're all capable of fighting for what we believe in. Here it is family, it is food - it is meeting the basic needs to live despite not having a regular source of income and all of the uncertainty towards the economic future that the political tension here has cast on everyone - even neighboring countries that rely on Honduras as a passageway from Guatemala to Nicaragua. At the same time that I can't believe I'm leaving here, I am so grateful that I am - that I have the opportunity and privilege to do so, to see challenges and yet return to my comfortable life, only to enjoy luxuries that people here may never enjoy. It saddens me, truly, this difficult reality, and yet I choose to confront it with hope and not guilt. I choose to use my privilege to benefit those whom I will serve in the future. We are not born into fair conditions, but that does not mean that we have the luxury to sit and watch and agree that it's just unfair and there's nothing we can do about it. There is something - even a small thing, even just spending time with people here and bringing them several items that will hopefully help them even for a short while - it is something, not everything, not even enough, but something large enough to inspire hope. I know that I am just one person, but this past year has shown me that even just one person with a vision and a tenacious commitment and passion can transform a small idea into a huge reality. Just last year I only hoped with my whole self that a program like this would be possible - that I could bring a health education program to a Spanish-speaking country and work with kids to empower them with health materials and information to help prevent disease. And all of my hard work this past year has come to this - to a moment of departure that I'm content with, having served four communities in a meaningful way through interviews about health issues, community health talks, donated medical and school supplies, and most importantly 4 health education camps that will hopefully inspire children here to put care and thought into taking care of themselves. Project HEAL has come to life. The spark of inspiration I had to put together this project has been aired into a fire, glowing and wholesome, a testament to hard work and perseverance even when other people doubted our goals and methods. This moment of feeling content has not come without tears shed for unforseen difficulties, frustrations over changes in plans, and anxiety and stress. I do not deny that the road was difficult nor that it has been a perfect journey, but I believe there is beauty in the imperfections - in striving towards something that may seem unattainable or only a vision yet can become reality - even a flawed reality but all the better because it is real and meaningful. The kids here have touched my heart and mind with something greater than I ever could have imagined - they have inspired hope in me that even making a small effort can build friendships and life-changing experiences. Passion is what this world needs more of, and love too. Love deep enough to transcend judgment and to leave behind fear of rejection - love with feeling enough to create a friendship out of broken feelings, to inspire a smile in a crying and frustrated child. I have witnessed this love - on both the giving and receiving ends. I will not let it go - I will not let this experience pass through me but rather continue with me as an undercurrent to my every action and decision. I will have the kids in mind when we choose new members, when we make decisions about the projects, when we solicit donations, when we think big about our goals and hope to serve the communities that have touched our hearts with compassion, love, and friendship. I know it is time to say goodbye - but only just for now - only for a short time and then we will return again and build on the foundation of friendship and trust we have worked hard for this year and summer. I will keep working hard and I work hard because I find value and beauty in the work itself, regardless of whether the outcome benefits me or not. Because I know that ultimately if I model diligence, passion, and love through my selfless actions, I will find friends and followers and hopefully bridge differences through my life's work. :) :) Ahorita, adiós, pero regresaré en el futuro... mis amigos y amores... te echaré de menos.

Simplification - all I need

Right now I'm listening to OneRepublic's "Say (All I Need)." To some extent, the lyrics sum up a mantra I've come to realize during my time here in Honduras - simplification. The song's chorus is "All I need... is the air I breathe... and a place to rest my head." It also makes a point to describe the soul as "a lovely soul." In essence, these are the basics in life - air, shelter, a good heart. Having lived in places where all I've needed was a good work ethic, some shabby clothes, and a vision to do the best I could to work with the community towards improved health conditions, I know that in general the philosophy of simplification is brilliant, albeit elusive. We lived without AC, TV, internet, a dryer, sometimes even running water in Porvenir. It was simplification to some extent and almost unbearable. I've grown up accustomed to certain luxuries that are simply nonexistant in the developing world - and mostly irrelevant to the culture's own basic needs and lifestyle. And it is hard to live without these "necessities" - I truly am an internet addict and have developed a lifestyle dependent on having information and communication easily and quickly accessible to me. It was a struggle to live in conditions where I had to go out of my way to communicate with my family back in the States. Yet in another sense I also gained an appreciation for being able to walk down the street and befriend neighbors and have a leisurely conversation without the pressure to hurry on with my schedule. I know that with accessibility comes the ability to schedule my life minute-to-minute. My iCal is generally filled up with colored blocks in tedium. Here I took a step back, took a deep breath, and considered really what was most important for the project - and hence for my daily life here as well. I valued individual connections more than my personal goals and saw value in leisurely chatting with my new friends.
When I return to the US, though I may not be able to pull myself away from my computer entirely (I need it to work!), I think I will place greater value on experiencing life firsthand and spending some extra time each day to stop by my friends' rooms and chat with them about life, even if just for a few minutes, because all of those small experiences add up into something strong and meaningful. This will be my own approach towards simplification - towards recognizing that all I need at the basic level is air, water, shelter, and a good heart. Moreover I'll have the ability to reprioritize what is important to me and despite my work and commitments, spend enough time with friends to truly build lasting connections even more so than I've done before. I'm looking forward to this simplification and to experiencing life to the fullest that I can, by creating my own experiences and persevering even when time seems to be wasted on silly moments - those moments could be the most cherished I'll have in a while and good relief from daily stresses and worries. :) I'm happy and looking forward to time back at Duke. I'm reluctant to say goodbye to Honduras and all the friends we've made and experiences we've had, but I know that the time is right to move on and inspire others to join our cause and help improve health conditions in Honduras. I know I'll carry the experiences and memories I have of this beautiful, tranquil place for the rest of my life and that I've grown from this experience as a better person and leader - someone even more intently focused on finding meaning in life more than simply just meeting my own expectations and goals for myself. I'm on a quest to enrich my life with as much meaning as I can find. My journey has only just begun and I'm looking forward to venturing further in my path towards medicine and self-discovery. :)

A small act of kindness

Last week I made a friend. This wasn't a friendship that arose out of a common interest, or through the convenience of living next door to a neighbor who happened to be the same age as me, nor attending the same elementary school, or taking the same AP class, or being on the same soccer team. This was a different type of friendship entirely, born unprobably out of monumental differences - different primary languages, cultures, ages, backgrounds, and personalities. It was a friendship formed on a small act of kindness.
Rosalinda is a special child. The volunteers here at the daycare know her as the 8-year-old girl who has boundless energy, a contagious laugh, and an annoying tendency towards mischief. She is eager to raise her hand at any opportunity, try to play whichever games she can - even if she is a bit too young to understand the rules fully, and generally just get her hands on any book available, spare pair of sunglasses, or try to take a picture with a camera. She is a bit hyperactive, but I find her endearing for her cute laugh and seemingly endless supply of energy and enthusiasm.
Last week some of the 10 year old girls at the daycare were playing "bate" - a game similar to baseball but with minimal equipment needs. The basic structure is to toss a foam ball to the batter, who uses their arm to send the ball flying and then run to different landmarks in the area - a tree, a rock on the ground, and 4 other similar bases. The older girls had asked me to play and I agreed. Rosalinda, of course, wanted to play too - and walked to me with her arms outstretched, shouting "yo! yo! yo quiero jugar!" (I want to play!) with her characteristic enthusiasm. The other girls groaned and told me that they didn't want Rosalinda to play - that she couldn't play. Ignoring their complaints, I offered Rosalinda my turn at bat. She hit the ball and ran to the first base, but she didn't know where to run next. The other girls and an older boy who is known to be mean at times got quite angry and yelled at Rosalinda to stop playing. The older boy - Presley - pushed Rosalinda away and she began crying. I am so used to seeing Rosalinda laugh her happy, enthusiastic laugh that I was saddened by her tears and obvious hurt. I had a decision to make. Many of the girls who were playing were my recently-made friends and in my mind I knew that standing up to them may change their high opinions of me. However, in my heart I knew that I could not let them treat Rosalinda with such annoyed attitudes and open contempt. I had to stand up to this bullying and comfort Rosalinda and also make sure that she could play "bate" too. I walked over to Rosalinda, calmed her down, and took her hand. I led her to first base - a tree in the center of the small field - and told the other girls that Rosalinda would run with me. I held Rosalinda's hand and she ran with me all the way to the sixth base. She was still noticeably upset but she had stopped crying. I asked her if she wanted to bat, but she shook her head "no" and looked at the ground. The second time at bat, I hit the ball and ran around the bases without her. However, for my third time at bat I let Rosalinda hit the ball before me again, but after I had explained all the bases to her to make sure she fully knew the rules. I encouraged her to hit the ball and to run, and cheered "Buen hecho!" (well done!) after she hit the ball and after each base that she ran. I was a personal cheerleader for her for the rest of the game, and I made sure that the other girls let her play. I could tell that they didn't necessarily agree with my decision, and there was some general grumbling, but they let her play. Rosalinda hardly left my side for the rest of the day. She grabbed my hand and led me from one activity to the next. After the "bate" game we colored pictures and kicked around a soccer ball and she was soon back to her happy, expressive laugh after cheering up towards the end of the "bate" game. Rosalinda can get on everyone's nerves at times, but she has feelings too and deserves a chance - even if she can't play a game perfectly, I believe she deserves the chance to try.
In this small act of kindness, our friendship was formed. The next day Rosalinda greeted me with outstretched arms in a big hug as she shouted "Ana!!" It made me smile to see that our friendship was still there the next day - that she had not forgotten my small act of kindness nor our newly formed bond. Despite the differences and the unlikelihood of bonding over something as simple as a game of "bate," I made a friend by intervening in a situation that I felt was unjust and hurtful to a Honduran girl. I had faith that every person deserves a chance to try something new and to belong to something that they have the desire and the enthusiasm to join. I acted and stepped in to stand up to bullying - to risk friendships with the other girls for just one friendship with a girl who was rejected by the others. I did the right thing and I hope that my small act of kindness touched Rosalinda's heart as much as her infectious smile and enthusiasm, boundless energy and even her mischevious tendencies have touched mine. :)

Artistic Piece #3

7-7-09 Journal entry - Political turmoil

Yesterday I saw a beautiful sunset. The clouds were lit up in deepening shades of red, purple, and blue - skillfully painted as if by an artist's hand. It was a peaceful backdrop to the Honduran mountains looking one way down the road and to the beach at the other end of the road. A tree with bare spiky branches provided a stark contrast to the richly adorned summer sky. With this beautiful, grandiose, and altogether serene sky, who would guess that the Honduran government is split between loyalties to two presidents and two schools of thought - Western Democracy and the Latin American leftist dictatorships veiled by democracies and the Alba alliance, yet really run by Chavez, Castro, and their socialist cronies. Mel Zelaya, Honduras' former president, is one of Chavez's buds and he had been taking steps to gain more personal power within the democratic framework, literally testing every check and balance of the Honduran government. On June 28, 2009 he had planned to hold a "public consultation" poll to ask the Honduran people whether they would support a motion to appoint a committee to revise the Constitution to extend the number of terms that a president can serve. This motion would have appeared on the November ballot, and would have followed in the footsteps of Hugo Chavez, who implemented a similar motion in Venezuela in the past so that he could serve unlimited terms as president (and essentially veil a dictatorship in the facade of a democracy). Earlier in June the idea to hold this poll (and thus pave the way for Zelaya to potentially serve more terms as president) had been criticized by the Congress and declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. The army also opposed this motion, and in retalliation Zelaya removed the head of the army - an action declared illegal by the Supreme Court. Moreover, Zelaya's earlier transgression was kicking out the organization that was planning to monitor the poll on June 28. By kicking out this organization, Zelaya made his intentions clear that he wanted full control of the outcome of the poll. It has recently come to light that Zelaya had generated two sets of ballots - one blank and the other already filled out so that the poll would be 80% in favor of his motion. These ballots were recently discovered in a hidden location and solidify that Zelaya's intentions were to skew the vote in his favor so that he could legitimize his illegal action to extend the president's term in Honduran government. He was sneaky, but not quite enough to pull the wool over the Honduran government. In a valiant effort to preserve democracy and not let Honduras fall prey to the dictatorship agenda that Zelaya had sought, the Supreme Court ordered the military to oust Zelaya on the morning of June 28 so that the poll would not occur. Thus the military coup d'etat was not a coup in the sense that the military seized the country by force and put a military leader as President - but rather the coup was a desperate attempt to prevent Zelaya from gaining momentum beyond the grasp of the Honduran government's checks and balances. The coup did not appoint a military leader but rather the Honduran government appointed the second-in-line to presidency, Micheletti (the head of Congress) as interim president. This coup was not an act of force so that the military could take over the government, but rather the military was simply the "bark" to scare Zelaya away so that the government could resume its democratic process. Zelaya was a threat to that process, and the government had no choice but to match Zelaya's threat with a warning of their own and to effectively salvage Honduran democracy. The Supreme Court and Congress had already tried - and failed - to prevent Zelaya from holding the poll that would legitimize his motion to set up a committee to change the Constitution. The government had no legal way to prevent Zelaya from holding the poll - which would have been corrupt - and since checks and balances failed the Supreme Court relied on force - not even force but just a large presence of military troops - to scare Zelaya enough to leave the country so that he would not debilitate Honduras' democratic government with dictatorship intentions. Although the poll itself may have been harmless and at least marginally consistent with the idea of democracy - to be a government for the people, Zelaya had planned to skew the results of the poll and to use the poll as a way to defend his later motion to change the constitution - something that would not truly be supported by the 80% margin he had illegally set up. He would have manipulated the democratic process so that it falsely appeared as if he had popular support when he may well have had less than 50% support for his motion. It is not democracy to manipulate a poll to a desired outcome, no matter what benefits he would have brought to the Honduran poor. How can you justify the potential end if the means are so corrupt? Moreover, he was operating at the margins of democracy, at best, and although he was democratically elected by the people three and a half years ago, I believe the government has the right to remove a president who has clear intentions to monopolize and manipulate the democratic government. And since the other methods of denying Zelaya power had failed, using a bigger threat - albeit not the ideal method of removal - was necessary in this case to put an end to Zelaya's attempt to usurp more power.
I absolutely disagree with supporting Zelaya just because he is the "legitimate" president, having been elected democratically by the Honduran people. By attempting to horde more power and to follow Chavez's lead, Zelaya did not act democratically. He had dictatorship intentions, and he tried to veil these intentions by going through a democratic process - but he would have gone against the will of the Honduran people and the Honduran government in doing so. It was a tremendous act in support of maintaining a balance of power between the branches of the Honduran government for the Supreme Court to order the military to oust Zelaya so that the head of Congress, Micheletti, could be interim president. It is not an ideal situation, of course, and it technically is a transgression against the "legitimate," democratically-elected President; however, it was a necessary transgression in order to maintain balance in the branches of the Honduran government. He had not actually gone against the Constitution, but he had intentions of doing so and the Supreme Court and military's actions were a preventative effort to preserve power within the reign of all the other democratically-elected officials in government, not just one man with intentions similar to Chavez. Rather than dismiss the June 28 coup as a regression to the 1980s military coups that placed militants at the head of power in Latin American countries, I think that the US needs to rethink what "backwards" means and to recognize the entire situation in Honduras as not just another military coup but as an action to prevent a corrupt president from using the channels of democracy to a dictatorship end. Supporting Zelaya as the "rightful" president just because he was democratically elected is a very superficial way to "support democracy." Zelaya may have been the "legitimate president," but his intentions to betray the people and the country who he was leading through his corrupt poll and intent to add more terms to his presidency should have made it clear to us that we should not trust his claim to democracy but rather should be wary of his strong alliance with Chavez. We need to consider the political situation in Honduras as a whole, not just freak out that there's a "military coup" in Honduras and that we need to reverse the effect of the coup to reinstate the "rightful" president. From a historical perspective, this military oust of Zelaya could have saved Honduras from falling prey to dictatorship intentions and yet another leader to vy with as an ally of Chavez. It was not a "backwards" move or a regression to militant rule as has pervaded Honduran and Latin American history, but rather a preventative step in the direction to preserve a democracy that was quickly slipping out of the other branch's control and falling further into the lap of Zelaya. We should not defer to the appearance of democracy without considering the potency of dictatorhsip brewing under the surface.
In my time here - and truly in the past few days - I've really had my eyes opened to a different perspective on the US and its foreign policy. Of course the US already is neck-deep in so many other global issues, particularly the Middle East, and Honduras only occupies a small speck of our attention, but being here in Honduras where this news is big news has convinced me that rather than act quickly to stanch even the appearance of violence, we should hold a magnifying glass to the problem to consider the entire landscape of the political situation rather than just a hot spot. If the US truly supports democracy, we should support the beauty and intricacy of the entire democratic process and realize that it's worth it to make some small sacrifices if the preservation of democracy is at stake rather than just support a surface-deep appearance of democracy embodied by a corrupt president who is an ally to our foes and who has dictatorship intentions.

Older reflections - Artistic Piece #2

I wrote this in my journal on 6-19-09, shortly after we arrived in Honduras:

"Adios, A-dios... mañana volveré ... A-dios, adios mañana volveré" resounds in my head and in my heart, and just ever so faintly in the distance, around the curved bend of the grassy road, at the Kinder. It is this endearing sound of familiarity that draws us every closer to the kids, and they to us. Each day is a fleeting moment, but it is a shared experience, a common thread that unites us through song and celebration.

6-20-09 Journal entry (continuation of "Artistic Piece #2")

Passing along a hug, a smile, or even a high-five nourishes the inner being inside us all, satiating our strong and ever-present desire to love and to be loved. The kids, just like us, are still figuring out what it means to be a human being. We come from different walks of life, certainly, and because of that we've become accustomed to different needs. However, I believe that on a basic level we are driven by the same essential emotional needs - we need attention from others to feel important, and to feel loved. We need - and strive for - praise and a feeling of having accomplished something on our own merit. I believe that on some level the kids are motivated by these emotional tethers - seeking connection through eye contact, attention, gratification & praise. Even the trouble-makers yearn for attention, but have somehow grown to seek it in a backwards way - through negative attention discipline, and frustration. On some level, even this type of attention is something the kids here cherish, because without it they only have neglect, disappointment, starvation, and boredom to look forward to. It is a hard life here, especially for the kids who live at Abuela's house. Ah, entonces la vida sea lo que sea.

5 Life Goals

I've decided to start tracking my life goals so that I can make active progress towards completing them. I'm using the site 43Things.com, which also has a cool feature that tells you your personality based on things you have done in your lifespan.
My top 5 life goals are:
1. Run at least one marathon ... before I'm 30.
2. Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro
3. Become fluent in Spanish
4. Be a bilingual doctor
5. Write a novel

Right now I'm working towards #3 in Honduras, hopefully will work towards #4 and #5 in the near future, and I'm hoping to do #1 and #2 right after graduating from Duke.

My personality - Extroverted Lifelong Learning Believer

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and
found out I'm an

Extroverted Lifelong Learning Believer